Why is it when we feel like we are drawing closer to God, and relying on his strength to a greater degree than before, and desire to serve him more and more... it is then we get attacked the most? Is the feeling false to begin with? Are we in reality drifting further from Him and we are only deceiving ourselves? I have experienced direct spirtual bombardment before... where Satan is blatantly the instigator and culprit. Those, for some reason, seem infinitely more endurable. Not sure why. But the direct, frontal attacks are more easily recognized and thereby more readily thwarted.
It's the more subtle schemes that hurt the most. The attacks that come from close friends... the betrayals... the lack of loyalty... the perpetuating gossip... the void of understanding... the untruths, the spins and false accusations... are almost unbearable. The attacks that come from our own families... lack of gratitude... the selfishness... being taken for granted... lack of empathy... are draining and yet we are forced to endure. The attacks that come from the body of Christ, the church... becoming just another member without an identity... forgotten in the crowd... little concern through the week but slaps on the back and hugs on Sunday... unabashed condemnation of our weaknesses and our sin with grace only provided as long as we change first... are becoming tiresome and though we are supposed to be a part of this great body of Christ with folks from every tribe and tongue and nation as a part of it, we feel estranged and lonely.
Unconfessed jealousy, selfishness, bitterness, narcissism, and hypocritcalness... these are invading the lives of Christians in an alarming rate. Missionaries being as suspect as anyone else. These are causing us to fulfill the prophecy of Jesus' question of whether or not he will find any faith on the earth when he returns. These are causing our neighbors to not know or understand the Christian because these things are the opposite of love.
Are we able to draw closer to him with still so much in our lives? Yes, we see it in others.... and if you don't, I can tell you about some... but can we see it within our own hearts as well? Is it possible for us to notice the very real weaknesses of others, and say to ourselves "I wonder if that is what they see in me too?" and then realize you just thwarted a very subtle and common trick of the Master Deceiver? To get us so focused on our perceptions of the weaknesses of others that we neglect looking at ourselves. The speck and the plank.
All trials, all attacks, all deceptions that come our way... can be used by God to get us to be more dependent upon him. Our friends, our family, our brothers and sisters in Christ... will fail us. We want to blame God usually. But it's not him. So, I suppose... this answers my own issue. I'm frustrated with friends... with family... with the church... when I should be looking a little... a lot... ok, continually at God. Then the attacks, subtle or not, won't do as much damage... they'll still come. And they'll still be painful. But hey, those who bring them or those that are used to deliver them, haven't learned this lesson yet. God will teach them... will train them... and they will face the same... but for me... well... I'm confident I AM drawing closer to God. Cause if not... I'd find out just how lonely one can get and I don't even want to think about that... it's hard enough to lose a friend... so bring it on... it will only make me stronger.
Oh, it's so easy to think we have forgiven someone else for hurting us. And go about our business. Afterall, that's the high road. That's the Christian thing to do. But forgiveness isn't easy. In fact, it's almost impossible. Impossible until we have purged whatever the hurt done to us from our own lives. Removing the plank to forgive the speck.
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