Unfolding Plans and Mountain Climbing

Proverbs 19:21 says in The Message, “ We humans keep brainstorming options and plans but God’s purpose prevails.”
   So often we plan out what we are going to do and we run way ahead of God. The hardest part about being a Christian for me is to wait for the Lord. Dezi so often reminds me that all of our plans have been changed, tweaked, deleted, revised, dismissed or put on hold most of our married lives. Sometimes, God reveals a plan to us but we are too busy with our own agenda that we entirely miss what God has put right before us.
   It’s been a year now since our move to Phoenix and there have been many ‘changes’ in our lives and ministry this past year. It was a difficult year, a year that ended with us still waiting on the Lord in many of our unanswered questions and in the need for direction. We are learning to wait on the Lord, to be strong and take heart, and wait. (Psalm 27:`4). In the mean time we have been provided an amazing opportunity to work alongside a Taiwanese sister we met while at CCV who reaches out to other Chinese students on the universities here in Phoenix. Pictured below is our clan along with a group of Chinese students that hiked up the arduous Squaw Peak in Phoenix. It was a great time to get to know many of them and more outings are already being scheduled. They have come from Taiwan, China, Singapore and Hong Kong right here to our doorstep. They are open to friendship and we pray they will be open to the Gospel as we get to know them. Please pray for further divine appointments in our efforts to minister to them.

October Update

    A new initiative that wouldn’t have been made possible without the partnership with Christ’s Church of the Valley is starting to take shape.
    In our last update we told you about John Maxwell’s Equip program that is literally reaching millions all over the world with Christian Leadership Training. As an Associate Trainer, we can now begin creating a network in two different locations in China and hope to go into Taiwan and train selected leaders that will train other leaders to maximize our efforts . We are planning a preliminary trip in January to connect with leaders and start the process of planning with a target of presenting the first section of material in June. This really is an exciting endeavor and has unlimited potential to reach many, many Chinese leaders to help them in church planting and evangelism. It’s a proven program and well accepted even in dark and difficult lands as the focus is ‘leadership training’. However, it is completely biblically based. Pray for us that the right connections with the right people will be made for this to be successful.

See their site for more information: www.iequip.org

    We have had a lot of generosity poured out on us by God through many of you, our supporting churches. In fact, the money needed for our closing was received to the dollar.  CCV also contributed to helping us with needed repairs with a lot of man power and also funding those repairs. We are always amazed at God’s provision and never want to take that for granted.
    We have also appreciated the many prayers for us during this time of change and trial. We know that God has led us to this point and we see God moving in even bigger ways than before. Thank you so much for joining us on this journey. It has now been 20 years since we began working for and in the Chinese harvest fields! Many of you have been with us the entire time supporting us, praying for us. Please know that the Lord is working through you and us to make a difference… through recruits, training, evangelism, encouraging, translation projects, awareness and so much more. Let us all keep striving until the last soul is saved. It is possible in THIS generation. Remember II Peter 3:9… not wanting ANY to perish.

August Update - Maximum Impact

What if you had an opportunity to reach a few that could reach millions?    Would you please pray for Dezi & I as we seek to determine the direction the Lord is taking us and that we have the heart, the passion and the determination to stay faithful and stay the course he has set before us?
    We thank you for your continued support to keep going in our effort to mobilize more workers for the Harvest. My time in Atlanta, GA was very challenging. John Maxwell’s Equip program is literally reaching millions all over the world with Christian Leadership Training. They go into an existing network of church leaders, and offer them leadership training to help them reproduce themselves, more leaders to start more churches. We want to take this into China using the network we have and it certainly appears the time is ripe. We would travel to various locations twice a year and gather house church leaders, businessmen and other entrepreneurs and go through a series of seminars teaching them Biblically based values and roles that they are held accountable to pass on to others. Over six years of curriculum has already been produced and translated into Mandarin Chinese and this is already being used in a few locations including Taiwan. We have been given an opportunity to be trainers and while it is completely self-funded, we have found no other way that is making as big an impact in China as this has the potential of being. Chinese are migrating all over the world now. The picture above was taken in Nairobi on my trip in June. Chinese restaurants were in places where there were no churches. Remember, there is an urgency to getting the Gospel out. With every breath there is someone passing into eternity.
    God is amazing as he has raised up faithful supporters like you to help us in ways beyond we could ask or imagine. We have been given a closing date of September 24th on a house in Surprise, AZ and my mother is settled in to a new apartment near by. The kids have started their new schools and are enjoying their new youth group. The last year has been the hardest of our lives and we are striving to learn the lessons that God is gently teaching. One of which is being more thankful. We never want to take you for granted. Thank you… for believing in us.

July Update - FIRE!!

There was a fire just starting on our street. I tried calling 911 on my cell but they wanted a lot of personal information and data from me before they even asked what the emergency was and the fire was growing. I looked down the street and there was a fireman checking a hydrant so ran to him to tell him. He kept on fiddling with the fire hydrant and said, “Yeah, I’ll call it in.” The fire was now engulfing the house. Many trucks came and a lot of fireman were all scrambling and getting hoses ready and connecting them, talking on their radios, getting out equipment and raising ladders. But not one hose was spraying on the fire yet. The fire was spreading to the nearby trees, yards and the roofs of neighboring homes. By the time the water was flowing, the fire was consuming the entire block. Then, I woke up….   It was only a dream. Or was it. I was really disturbed by the dream. Angry actually. Frustrated. I felt it was real. That it could happen. And then I realized it is happening. Christians are really busy. Doing a lot of things. Administrating this. And that. Gathering all kinds of seemingly important information that really doesn’t matter if it is in your computer or iphone or file cabinet at all because that’s where it sits. People are made aware of the danger of so many people all over the world, oppressed, in poverty, lost, but also your next door neighbor. They continue not knowing about the grace that can quench the guilt and rescue their souls. We are busy. Reading our Bibles. Going to ‘how to’ evangelize classes. Encouraging each other to worship. Having BBQs with our church friends. Discussing the need. Getting counseling. Praying for needs and wants. But, the world is engulfed and very little water is being poured on the flames. We need firemen actually fighting the fire.
   I’m heading to Atlanta this month for a one day conference with John Maxwell’s Equip and meeting with their International Director on an opportunity to train Chinese pastors in China to multiply their efforts. Perhaps firemen can be found within the neighborhood. When the dream fire started, a few garden hoses probably could have done the job. Put out a fire this month. Tell someone about Jesus.

June Update

Orphaned elephants. Yeah, probably not what you would expect me to talk about after returning on a trip from the Mathare slum in Kenya. I mean, I still can’t describe what I saw, felt, thought, smelled, witnessed. It’s all… overwhelming. The need there. The poverty. With a million residents living in a 2 ½ mile stretch of land in downtown Nairobi, 200,000 of which are children living in filth. Many if not most are orphans due to AIDS and malaria. They have nothing. Nothing. Just hope. They love Jesus. They danced to him. They sang to him. They wrote poems about him. They know he’s changed their life. Not their living. Their lives. They are following the one who loves them. Kinda like elephants at the Elephant Orphanage we visited. They have emotional trauma when their parents are killed or they become lost. In fact, elephants can stop eating because of mourning. So, their trainer adopts them. Sleeps with them. Feeds them. Talks to them. Lives with them 24/7. Giving them hope. Kinda like Jesus with the children. Hope is all they have. All they probably will ever have. We could never meet all the physical need of the slums. It’s not stopping the amazing CMF and Missions of Hope staff from trying. Our team of 90 did what they could for a week providing medical care, VBS, soccer clinics and building skylights in the shacks. Jesus is present in the slum. And there are many following him. When you have nothing else, you still can have peace. Like the baby elephants. They follow their trainer wherever he goes. Not wandering or wavering. Always in a straight line. They’ve been abandoned once. Never again. The children of the slum are learning to follow Jesus too. They’ve been abandoned. They will never stop following Jesus. He’s all they can depend on. He’s adopted them.

Dezi moved to Phoenix while I was gone and we are all back together. We had our first Mission Weekend at CCV and had over 600 sign up for mission trips. Recruiting is off the charts. Thanks for supporting the mobilization of more laborers. It’s making a difference. It’s spreading hope. And more are following.

Unsurmountable Need Is My Conundrum

This is crazy. So many people here in Nairobi, a couple of million living in slums which again, I can in no way begin to describe them to you. Nor can a picture truly capture the magnitude of the destitute life these admirable people live in each day etching out a living on pennies a day. (Don't fret, I'll add pictures as soon as I get back to my Macbook and download them from my iPhone. I hope you can sense my irony as I write that.)

While sitting at the Pangani Center today that holds just over 1,000 children from the Mathare slum teaching them and feeding them once a day and sending them back in the slums at night, the mission team from CCV met about strategy for Asia. We talked about possibilities in Taiwan, China, Thailand, Laos and India. You know, almost 60% of where the entire world's population resides.

The papers here in Nairobi are still wondering who threw the two grenades that killed 9 people and injured over 60 others into a Christian gathering discussing political changes. It's pretty obvious the Muslim counter party probably had a hand in it showing how much Islam really needs Christ, even though it is still the fastest growing religion in the world since 9/11.

Zach and Emma, two new friends from North Dakota who are serving on our medical team were trying to figure out why a little girl's ear was hurting so bad. There was no infection. But the ear was severely needing some serious irrigation. The equipment brought was useless because the batteries couldn't be charged properly here in the slum. We were trying to be innovative, but just didn't have the tools necessary to really help her. We gave her a small packet of vitamins and worm medicine and sent her on her way. She was the last patient to be seen today. She left crying.

Sitting on the bus to go back to our hostel, my window was pounded on and a young man high on sniffing glue, dressed in clothing that was so dirty there was no way to tell the original color of the cloth, his hand was held out for anything I might give him. I took a picture of him. And of a few other glue sniffers standing like zombies in the middle of the road. They were about 12 years old. We were told not to give handouts by the missionaries. We didn't want to enable them of course. Sigh.

It's been a busy week connecting with all sorts of other mission groups and missionaires while here. Too many really. Some even came all the way from their orphanages, and mission offices and churches to our hostel all wanting to "connect", aka... hoping for more support.

I could continue but if you know me, you know what I'm thinking. What in the world are we doing. WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE WE DOING.

Jesus said the poor we will always have with us. I think his point was pretty obvious. We can't do it all. We can't win all the lost, fix all the problems, feed all the hungry, heal all the sick, support all the missionaries who are so under funded. We can't. I feel we are supposed to. But we can't. The only thing that matters.... the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS is our relationship to Christ. Maybe you can find the passage where Jesus says that part about the poor, and then check out the context. It's late here and I'm exhausted. And I just realized that after all the days activities and serving so many and doing so much, I have forgotten to pray.

The need has overwhelmed me. And I have missed the point again today.

Missions of Hope - Nairobi, Kenya

I am currently sitting at the Gracia Hotel in Nairobi along with 90 others from Christ's Church of the Valley and First Christian Church of Phoenix. It has been an amazing trip so far. And words can't describe what everyone has in their hearts right now. It is nothing like I have ever participated in before.

We have six teams working here in a variety of projects... a medical team bringing dental and general medicine to about 250 people a day living in slums who can't afford health care of any kind... a VBS team working with 1,000 kids a day... a soccer team playing with 200-900 kids a day with some kids walking over two hours to play... an I.T. team working on the Mission of Hope computers and installing ten new donated laptops to their network... a video production team recording all kinds of footage to be used by the churches and the missions we are working with (and posting the official trip blog:  CCV - Nairobi ) ... and a Bring The Light team who goes into the slums and cuts a 12 x 12 inch hole in the tin roofs of about 45 shacks a day and installs a sheet that allows light in to what was complete darkness while sharing the Gospel with the residents. Yeah, a lot is being done.

They have nothing. I'm overwhelmed with the complete destitution of the Mathare Slum residents. Yet I am confounded with their indomitable spirit. They seem.... well.... happy. They have nothing. Yet, they are content. They are readily accepting of the Gospel. But they were smiling before we came... and as we left. I found myself wanting what they have. They have nothing.

This group is ripe for the harvest. Not the residents of the slum, even though I have seen no riper field in all of my missionary career. But the 90 who are with us. They are seeing the need and realizing they have the power to meet it. Not merely for a 12 day mission trip, but perhaps for a life time. That is what I am praying for. And if you pray for me, pray that what I have becomes nothing.

Uniting The Passion

Can we tell you… the vision that you have been supporting has not changed. In fact, we are convinced that we are in a time that God is calling us to see a much larger view than what we have previously imagined. The Chinese are still very open to the Gospel and yet so many are dying without a Savior because of the lack of opportunity to hear. In connecting workers, enhancing training and strategizing to become more effective with our resources, we believe we can together better meet this urgency. Or we can simply believe in what the Holy Spirit is doing and follow along as best as our faith and prayers will allow. Or maybe it’s the same thing. What we see is this, the Lord bringing like minded people together with this same goal, the same vision. It’s about reaching the lost, the lonely, the marginalized, the forgotten, the trapped, the forsaken. And people with that passion are uniting their efforts.

Over spring break and the weeks before and after, the friends pictured, and 7 others all came to Phoenix to see what God is doing here and how they might fit. One has already secured a two year internship with CCV and is focusing on Cross-Cultural Counseling. One is going to China for a 6 month internship. Two others who have had to return from China for an indefinite period and are relocating here to begin work with the many students who are studying here from their original city in China. Coincidence? Or spiritual?

It’s been hard to live by faith. The house is under contract. We are looking for one here. Flew home for a weekend to see the family. Preparing to take 90 including a nephew to Kenya in June. Still thankful for your trust. And prayers

I Came to the Desert Alone

Sometimes life feels like you are walking in the desert. Alone. There are no two sets of footprints. Just yours. And you know that it is good. You have read the stories of the men and women of God who have gone before. You empathize with their struggles and trials. And yet, you desperately want to get to the end of the chapter. To see how God is going to turn things around to the amazing. To the more than you can ask or imagine. From the harm that the enemy wishes to do to the good that will save many others. Dezi and the family were able to drive down to Arizona for a weekend last month, and we took a day to visit the desert. The real one. It was good for the family to come together and see where God seems to be leading us. Overlooking the Phoenix area on top of South Mountain, the kids were reminded of Taipei and all the millions of people who still do not know Jesus. We all realized that though we may live in the desert for a time, we are living for something bigger. And we need to wait to see how the chapter unfolds. We don’t want it to end quite yet. We can’t write the story ourselves. We must wait. We must trust. And sometimes, trusting feels like... the desert.

We really are not alone though. If not for you, we couldn’t be on this journey. We want to know that you are amazing. That your giving to us is like a drink of cold water in arid places, like Phoenix. Well it’s a dry heat. But thank you. Really. We are still living two lives. Dezi is in Moberly and has put our house up for sale. She’s finishing up the last semester of teaching Chinese and allowing our kids to finish out their school year. I am adapting to working out of Christ’s Church of the Valley and learning… and being challenged to believe in something much larger. Every church is fully capable of winning the lost. CCV is an excellent model. We expect recruitment to increase just as soon as we all get to the desert together.

My Father Who Art In Heaven...

Thomas S. Worstell, age 87, of Moberly, departed this life on Christmas Day, Friday, December 25, 2009, in Moberly. He was born in Bixby, Oklahoma on September 17, 1922, son of Charles William Worstell and Minnie May Williams. On July 7, 1951, Thomas was united in marriage to Mary Marie Fleischman, who survives at the home.

He worked for 30 years at Richardson Bass Construction Company, from which he retired. During WWII he served in the U.S. Army where he was stationed in Europe for four years and attained the rank of Sergeant. Thomas was baptized in Jesus Christ in his youth and he always tried to live the life that his savior wanted him to. Thomas was a member of the Westside Christian Church, in which he raised his family, which then became the Forum Christian Church, then later in life he attended the Crocker Christian Church for 10 years, and in 2004 he transferred his membership to the Timberlake Chirstian Church in Moberly . He enjoyed gardening, learning, and reading the bible. He loved his family and His Lord Jesus and was a faithful husband of 58 years.

He is survived by one daughter, Lillie Schoville and husband David of Phoenix, Arizona; four sons, Thomas Worstell and wife Duonna of Lamonte, Timothy Worstell and wife Kylene of Macon, Charles Worstell and wife Jean Ann of Crocker, and Michael Worstell and wife Dezi of Moberly; seventeen grandchildren, tengreat-grandchildren; four brothers, Frank, Gene, Paul, and Ted Worstell; two sisters, Frances Allen and Flora Toalson; and numerous nieces and nephews.

He was preceded in death by one great-grandson, Mason Worstell; three brothers; two sisters; and his parents.

Visitation will be from 9:30 – 11:00 a.m., with services immediately following at 11 a.m., on Tuesday, December 29, 2009, at Mt. Zion Christian Church near Tuscumbia. Charles Worstell and Tim Worstell, sons of the deceased, will officiate. Interment with military honors under the direction of the Iberia VFW Post 6167 and the American Legion Post 105 will be in Mt. Zion Cemetery.

Memorial contributions are suggested by the family to be sent to Harvesters International, a Christian missionary service organization, c/o Debbie Mallette, 18559 387th Road, Unionville, MO 63565

Arrangements are under the direction of Fancher-Rekus Funeral Home in Iberia.

Condolences may be shared with the family at www.fancher-rekusfuneralhomes.com.

Time to Lay the Burden Down

Argh. Don't you hate it? You are teaching in class about the Way of Christ and you inadvertently touch upon a subject you know that God has been prodding you in the back of your mind.

Carry one another's burdens and in this way fulfill the law of Christ.

So, it's not what you may think. It's about spiritual pride for me. For years while we were on the mission field we believed that God would always provide for us. And he always has. Always. We would tell people about the field. Report on our successes and our failures. And trust that God would provide financially. And it was awesome. We didn't depend on flashy newsletters to get our support. We didn't have to call people or make appointments or send out envelopes. And it became a matter of pride. That we don't have to do what every one else does. God takes care of us! As if everyone else just does it for themselves.

So today, we were talking about how of course we don't need to pray. God already knows. Of course we don't have to worry about tomorrow. God's in control. And all you have to do is lay your burden down at the foot of the cross. He's already on it.

But that's not the intent of prayer. We are brought into fellowship with God when we communicate our desires and concerns in prayer. It's a privilege he affords us. He is in control because he is sovereign and he could rain down manna from heaven on a whim. Yet his exact design for us, while perplexing, is still the optimum way for us to live. So, my point?

My pride inhibits me from asking others to carry my burdens. I believe God could, can and should provide for me since I am serving him in a full time volunteer capacity in recruiting for the harvest. Yet, today I was confronted with this verse... to not carry one another's burdens is to not fulfill the law of Christ. I won't let someone carry my burden. God could. But he wants us to rely on each other too. So well...

The past two years has seen increased ministry expenses as we endeavor to develop Harvesters International. Our medical bills and expenses following the accident have depleted any and all reserves. We have had some special offerings and surprises along the way yet we are having a difficult time with our monthly responsibilities. A few churches have discontinued support since we are not technically 'on the field'. However, we believe that God is wanting us where we are as over 100 recruits have been sent from Central since 2003. We have been praying for his provision, thankful for what he continues to do... yet wondering why all of our needs are not being met. We have gone against his will for our lives by allowing ourselves to get in debt... making those decisions not believing that God could provide any other way nor giving him the chance. Our debt convicting us that we will never choose that again. And now, we are convicted that our pride, my pride has not allowed me to share the real issue with our churches, our friends, our family. So, this is our burden. I don't want to share this. I don't want to depend on anyone but God. Yet, I am being convicted that the Lord desires our burden to be shared. We don't believe we deserve it and that there are more lessons to be learned. Yet, we have cried out to God and now follow what I taught today in class... to carry one another's burdens, means to share our burdens. Sigh.

Lord, I see myself, but it's hard for me to see what held you on the cross when you could have walked away?

The song by Michael O'Brien, What Held You On The Cross, has spoken a lot to me lately. I have been overwhelmed in my life for quite some time. Even before the accident. And now believe most of the attacks have come from my own insecurities and how Satan is continually twisting me in to believing his lies. Through this God has proven faithful, even though friends have failed, He has taken the opportunity during these trials to continue the refining process. So often it is incredibly difficult to see the difference between an absolute lie and the absolute truth about ourselves. It's hard enough for us to see it ourselves, and even harder when complicated by the opinions and perceptions of those around you which in themselves must go through the same process between falseness and real honesty.

I had two choices before me. Either just give up and begin to make everyone's perceptions true and just live up to their negative expectations and succumb to those insecurities in my life.... or.... to finally begin believing Christ died for me. That Christ loves me beyond what everyone else sees. Beyond what I see. That even in my sin. Even in my weakness. Even in my inappropriate behavior. He still loves me. He still gives me potential. He doesn't make me start over in our relationship. He doesn't assume the worst. He always has been there even when I screamed at him for leaving me alone.

It's hard for me to see that Jesus would have allowed himself to be fixed to the cross just for me. The alternative is depression and misery. So, today I choose to say that he does love me. The real me. And by God I will only live up to his expectations for me. Not mine. Nor anyone else's. If he is for me... if he died for me... if his love was so great to hold him to the cross for me... then no one else matters anymore. Only him.

Sending Out

Just this Sunday I had the privilege of joining the church at Camp Point, Illinois in praying for and sending out Ryan & Lori Eidson to the Harvest in East Asia. This has been a long time coming. Lori had worked with me in Harvesters during her 4 years at Central and after graduating and marrying Ryan, they have been raising support for over two years.

Our alumni are wanting to go out into the harvest fields in greater numbers than ever before. The need is greater than ever before. God's plan and purposes are fulfilled through his people working together. I am discovering that recruiting is the easy part. Raising the support needed for them to be sent is the hardest. Especially knowing that even in the midst of an economic crisis, we are still the richest nation on earth and this blessing must be used to fulfill the great commission. Instead we increase our standard of living. But what about the lost, the poor, the oppressed? There are those willing to go out and make a difference. We need even more willing to send and support them.

Thankfully, Ryan & Lori have found enough partners to allow them to go. They depart on August 19.

Follow the Eidson's ministry by viewing their blog at: http://heopenseyes.wordpress.com/

To All The Single Ladies - Before He Puts A Ring On It- Even if you don't think it's you!

Honesty and realness in relationships is what everyone desires. We usually only apply it to the other person, and seldom do we look into our own souls to see what it is we really want or need in a husband or wife. In the course of seeing so many successful and unsuccessful dating relationships among the college students, there are some very important aspects that every young and intelligent woman should consider. Of course, young men could also benefit.

Below is a letter I asked for one young lady to write concerning her experiences that mirror so many of those I know right now. I am writing this not to condemn someone, not to be mean or insensitive. In fact, quite the opposite... to give words to something the Holy Spirit may be trying to tell you. To vocalize what probably others around you are thinking or feeling yet afraid to tell you. And to risk out of love, the anger and frustration that this topic so often evokes. Because it has to be said. You have to understand with eyes wide open what you are in. And you have to know that no one else can choose for you, you must choose yourself. So, listen to this, and see if you are this girl. More of my own thoughts at the end....

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I Almost Settled
by Mrs. Kimberly Vaughn

We women are always ready to settle for less. Most of us anyways. It may look different for some than for others, but that tendency to settle is there. Even those of us who know Jesus are guilty of the struggle. The closer we are to Jesus, the more we hear His voice speaking, and the less likely we are to settle. But even still, our walk with God has its highs and its lows. There are times we hear Jesus loud and clear because our hearts are soft, but there are times we mostly hear our flesh because we have somehow taken the reigns of control.

I’m one of those women who has settled more times than I can count. Thankfully Jesus redeems the mistakes that I have made. I once settled for a relationship that was all wrong for me, and it lasted for over two years. It almost lasted for a lifetime. We were engaged. Less than two months before the wedding, God got my attention. Nothing dramatic changed or happened with the relationship, but God spoke in a way that I could not ignore Him. Let me explain.

I had been having some doubts, but it always seemed that I could explain those doubts away. Rationalizations. Excuses. Reasons. It’s how we women think. If we don’t want to face it or make any changes, whether out of fear, desperation or selfishness, we twist and turn thoughts in our head until what we are doing seems logical and right and best.

So, although I had been having doubts, I wasn’t truly getting what God was trying to tell me. Fear and selfishness blocked my prayer life, so that even when I prayed it was as though I was deaf to God’s voice. But I praise God because He did not give up on me and He did not let me make what would have inevitably been one of the worst decisions of my life.

My fiancé and I were on a missions trip with a group from our college, and God spoke to me there though a professor I highly respected and looked up to as the dad I never had. Several times throughout the trip, this professor tried to confront me subtly and gently concerning my relationship with my fiancé. It was a little unsettling because I wasn’t yet ready to face the truth, and yet the truth was making itself known. God had my best interests in mind. I'm confident the professor cared about both of us.

On our way back to the States we had a long layover still outside of the U.S.. This meant that we had to claim our baggage and re-check it. Although at the time it seemed to be an inconvenience, my fiancé could not find one of his bags. It looked like this might take some time to work out, so the majority of the group moved along. This left my professor and I alone while my fiancé was off looking for his bag. It was in this moment that my professor blatantly confronted me concerning the issues he saw in my relationship. As he spoke to me I knew what he was saying was right. I knew it in my mind and I felt it in my gut to the point that I felt sick. Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him he was right, so I responded in defensiveness.

On the twelve hour flight back to the States, the professor worked it out that I was able to sit alone with several empty seats around me. I spent almost the entire flight crying and reading God’s Word and crying out to God. It was gut-wrenching. I kept thinking about all the consequences of ending my relationship right now, less than two months before our planned wedding. I would cause so much pain and disappointment. What about all the money spent on the wedding? What would people think? What if I never found the right guy? What if I never got married? My mind was spinning and all I kept thinking about were the short-term ramifications. I felt no peace, and there seemed to be no “perfect” ending to this dilemma I was dealing with. Finally, I stopped my foolish thinking and laid it all down before God. “Please God, show me what to do. I don’t care what discomfort, pain, or awkwardness it means for me right now. Show me Your will, and I’ll do it because I know it is best.” And I meant it. My heart was laid bare before God, and I was completely emptied of my own will.

Almost immediately, God gave me clarity in my heart and mind. I knew what I had to do, and I finally had peace about this. When I got back to the States I fasted and sought wisdom from a couple trusted women. More and more I saw that I needed to end the relationship. Only two days after arriving back to the States I broke it off with my fiancé. It wasn’t easy. I felt horrible, especially when he refused to take the ring back and I forced him to take it. But when it was said and done, I felt so much peace and freedom. This huge weight lifted from my soul, and I sought God’s face more fully and experienced such intimacy with Him.

Although I knew then that I had made the right decision, it is only now that I see this with the greatest of clarity. Five years down the road I see how much more God had in store for me. He brought me places I would otherwise not have gone. He gave me experiences that I would never have known. And He brought people into my life that I would never have had the joy of knowing. Married for over a year now, I am so deeply in love with my husband. He is an amazing man, growing steadfastly in His walk with God. I am more than blessed to have him by my side walking through life with me. He is exactly what I need to make me more of the woman God intends for me to be. I can’t imagine my life without him.

When I think back at how I almost settled, I feel so much gratitude in my heart towards God for how he saved me from myself and my own foolish thinking. I am so thankful He used my respected professor to speak the truth in love to me. I often wonder at how my life would have gone if I would have settled in that relationship. I imagine it wouldn’t have been good, and it could not come close to the blessing I know now.

Settling is a dangerous thing. We can pray and ask for God’s blessings, but He can only bless us as much as we will allow Him to. If we choose to settle for less than God has for us, we’re not allowing God to give us the fullness of His blessings. I’ve settled too many times, and the mistakes I’ve made are endless. The wonder of knowing God through Jesus Christ is that He redeems my failures. For me, the redemption of my failures has at times been a painful process, and not just for myself, but ultimately it is liberating for all involved. My prayer is that God will give me the strength to continue to pursue the best that He has for me, rather than hindering His blessings for my life by settling for less.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

If you are this girl (or guy) now, get out while you can. You aren't married until you are married. Regardless of the expenses. Regardless of the time invested. It doesn't mean they are a bad person or that you are. It means doing the right thing for you. And waiting until the one that completes you and fulfills you comes along.

It could very well be a mistaken identity of love at work. The two of you could actually love each other, however, it is a platonic love. You both really care for each other and don't want to hurt the other one. Yet, it's not exactly what you had hoped for either. It's not an unconditional love. There are things the other says or does to manipulate you, to control you, to bend you into their will, that's not really the kind of love you want. Not an 'in love', can't get enough of this person, but only a superficial attempt at making it real. It is born out of a genuine concern for each other but if you were being honest with yourself, it is not at the level that you both would prefer. The mature-er one of the two of you will have to be the one to initiate the break of the dating relationship to go back to being friends. The friendship could always be there. Just do not confuse friendship, for a marriage quality relationship. Do not confuse sexual desire for a marriage quality relationship. Can the two of you talk for hours on end without physical touch? Can the two of you be completely honest with each other? Do you feel cherished?? Does the other one glance at others of the opposite sex often? Do you walk behind or in front of the other when at the mall or side by side? Is there thoughts of others in your mind while with them? Are you angry with your family members, parents, brothers and sisters more often than usual? Have you broken up once with them before? (you now have a 60% chance you will end up in divorce). Have you broken up more than once with them before? (you now have a 75% chance you will end up in divorce). All of these are little signs that you may not be with the one you truly love. Don't deceive yourself. You are headed for a miserable life, that will start about three days after the honeymoon. You can choose this course. If you survive, and chances are you won't, then you may eventually end up loving each other after all when you are old and gray sitting on the porch of a retirement home. But it will be a long road of hell until then.

Not many of our friends can be this honest with us. They want us to be happy. Hopefully, you will have a friend that can point out things in your relationship to the one you may want to marry that may indicate trouble. You have the choice now. Don't wait until it is too late. God hates divorce. Yet God has a plan that will bring fulfillment to your life. Be patient and let him do this for you. Do not settle.

Proof Reading and Life

We just sent out a mailing of around 1,600 names of our current newsletter mailing list and most of the alumni of Central Christian College. It was a big ordeal. Two printed envelopes, a letter, a brochure and an ad that pointed people to our YouTube presence with Harvesters International. We proof read all the materials more than I thought anyone should and each time, we found mistakes. The worst of which was probably the wrong 800 number leading people to a call-girl site... I guess that might work for recruiting, but never mind. It was a simple mistake, of typing 1-888 instead of 1-877. But, we did catch that in time along with other misspellings, and bad formatting. After us, it went to the printer who caught a few more.

We received our own copy today in the mail... and well, bam...! The first thing I see is that the letter isn't in color. There is no signature on the letter. The brochure front is off centered. The CD placard is also a shade or two off from the original color. And well, I just didn't think it looked very professional. After a lot of effort. A lot of expense. A lot of proof reading. A lot of mistakes corrected. And we still didn't get it right.

And yeah, aren't we all like that? We work and strive to be more like Christ and yet every week during communion, or every evening at the end of the day, we look at ourselves in the mirror and realize there are so many flaws. No matter how we have tried to diet, tried to memorize, tried to pray, tried to avoid temptations of all kinds, we fail. We have blemishes. We have not given God glory by our attitudes and actions. Every day. Same story. Lots of effort goes into improving our lives. Lots of expense into improving ourselves. A lot of looking into God's Word to determine what more we need to do to become more like Christ. And so much has already been corrected. And yet, we still aren't perfect. Are we?

Regardless of the bad formatting of our introductory letter explaining the common sense of Harvesters International, the message is still there. Embedded behind poor color choices, cut off graphics, and missing signatures. The labor we do is still being exhibited.

And because of our mortal flaws, the grace of Christ is still being exhibited in each and every one of us. Because of those things we want to improve, we can sympathize with others. We can understand that perfection is only obtained through Christ. I'm learning a lot about grace with every new student who walks in our office. When they tell about the tragic things in their lives, the hardships, the abuse, the lack of comfort, the lack of love and affection... and yet, here they are. Trying to use those weaknesses to not only improve themselves but to take the love of Christ to people all over the world who are just like them. Who are just like us.

Sure, we can proof read all we want. But, until we see ourselves the way Christ sees us, we'll always find problems. Always. And until we see others through the grace of Christ, we'll never see what he sees in them either. We will only see the weaknesses. What message of grace can they teach us though? Take another look at those around you. You might find their mistakes are your corrections.

Surgery

Unexpecteds happen all the time to all of us. Some of them take a long time to deal with. I never thought a year ago I'd be back in bed recovering from another surgery on my knee. The patella had shifted out of line and a surgical tie down was necessary as well as a bone graft. So, another summer of unexpected recovery and healing.

And deep thoughts brought on probably by pain relieving narcotics. I went in to the hospital last Wednesday because a Doctor told me I needed surgery on my knee. I walked into a room that 3 hours later I'd roll out of on a bed, knowingly I'd be unable to walk for 6 or more weeks. While I let them take me out of consciousness, I was oblivious to multiple doctors and nurses cutting into my side, taking out a core of bone from my pelvis, and then cutting over my knee cap and inserting the bone graph. While it's not 100% sure that I'll ever be able to run or even walk without a limp, I entrusted my body into the hands of people I don't really even know. I merely took it upon their word that they knew what they were doing.

That's more faith I believe than most of us have in God. We do not offer our bodies up to him the way we do our doctors. We don't trust that he'll take care of us. We try and fix it ourselves and want to know all the risks and all the requirements. We don't sign a form giving over our entire health to him We don't believe that in the end not only will we be saved, but we'll run again. Is God sovereign or not? We need to start living like he has our best interest in mind and give up a lot of things that are under our control. Living it. If we believe it.

Summer Filled!

Harvesters International is still moving forward with many of our graduates heading out to the mission fields and more in progress. This summer we'll be working on a website upgrade and new media presentations. Central's camp teams will be presenting H.I. to prospective students all summer at camps and NYR. It is a great way for students to get their degree, mission training, raise support and go to the field debt free from attending our tuition-free program here at Central. Rob & Lynne Branham have returned from Australia for a summer visit. Dezi & I went to school with them and it was exciting to hear of their new ministry starting churches down under. So many alumni doing so many things all over the world, makes our work exciting, valuable and necessary. As we desire to support them we also see the need to recruit many more workers for these harvest fields and other places where there is no opportunity to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ. 

One Trip, One College, One Destination

For something different this year during Outreach Week April 2 - 13, we were asked by C.Y. & Patricia Kim to have one school trip to China and work with Ben & Sara, two of our alumni who have been working with the Kim's for three years and we believe it was a perfect opportunity. Thirty-eight students and 7 faculty and staff went together and had an amazing time seeing what God was doing in one of the darkest areas of the world. Working in smaller groups everyday at 5 different locations, we were able to see a vision that surpasses most other works in a difficult land. With the Hope Language School, an orphanage, a special needs school, a bakery and a Horse Therapy Ranch. And that's only what is in Hun Chun, China! Much more is being accomplished in North Korea including feeding the street children with breads from the bakery. C.Y.'s original vision only began 10 years ago and all this has already been done as the Holy Spirit guides them in planting a foundation for what is sure to be a massive harvest in the future. They believe in the Sovereignty of God and that he can blind the minds of unbelievers as they take in God's word and work as Christians in a persecuted area. Our group became unified as we saw the need and saw the many Chinese who still need to hear of a Savior. We have some who are planning on returning this summer for their internships and others willing to go full time, making it one of the best recruitment trips we have taken. It's going to be exciting to see what God is going to do with so many alumni from Central in China in the future!

Chinese New Year & Beyond

Another new year is upon the Chinese as they begin the Year of the Ox. People born during this year are said to be born leaders who will work hard to achieve their aims. They are dependable and great at organizing. While not influenced by others, they are patient and loyal to their friends and expect those qualities in return. They also have long lasting relationships. I don't believe you have to be born in the Year of the Ox to have those qualities. I  do think they are the characteristics of the many students who have been recruited recently for the harvest fields!

So much has been happening within Harvesters International lately, it's been a bit overwhelming to know what to say or where to start so the blog has been a bit outdated. We apologize again, and well, some of those Ox attributes are certainly things I lack needless to say! We do appreciate our faithful relationships and those of you who have been supporting the work and ministry we are involved in everyday. 

We had our grand opening so to speak at the National Missionary Convention. It is such a privilege to be able to partner with Central Christian College and raise up a whole new generation of laborers from there. We took around 75 students to the convention and had a booth along with Central. No other exhibit offered a full-tuition Bible college education AND training / sending program for the mission field! What a unique opportunity for many who desire to go to the field as fast as possible, with no debt, being fully trained and apprenticed! 

Our next event is taking 50 students to Hun Chun China to see the work of CY & Patricia Kim and work alongside fellow alumni Ben & Sara. The first 12 days in April will have us flying over to work in their orphanage, Hope language school, bakery, special needs facility, horse ranch and touring many traditional sites in Beijing like the Great Wall and Temple of Heaven. Please be praying for these students (and five faculty!) as they see a need and realize the urgency among so many lost souls. 

24th Anniversary!

Wow...seems like time is always just flying by. We are celebrating our 24th anniversary today and we were able to get away for the weekend to St. Louis enjoying a leisurely walk down S. Main Street in St. Charles, MO. Lots of quaint little shops down a real brick road. After returning home and visiting my folks we learned that they used to live on that street before I and my brother Charlie were born. To think that we were walking where my parents once walked without knowing it was kinda cool.

We are all walking where others have walked before. Are we aware of it? Our thoughts, and feelings, frustrations, successes, ambitions, jealousies, endeavors, loves, interests... on and on... is there anything that others haven't thought, felt, been frustrated about, succeeded in... etc.? Am I really so unique thinking this could only happen to me when we have a great cloud of witnesses looking down upon us and ribbing each other in the side, saying, "Look at him! I did that once and broke my leg too!". Or, "Yeah, that happened to me once and I was depressed for a year...". Or, "Remember that time when we could barely make ends meet?". Others have gone before, whether we know it or not. And the one thing that was true then, as it is true now, is that God was faithful then, as he is now. He is walking with us. Where we are. Now. He is and was and will be wherever we are, were or will be. Now. Every year is an anniversary of his faithfulness to us. Even if we feel we are walking along the road alone.