To All The Single Ladies - Before He Puts A Ring On It- Even if you don't think it's you!

Honesty and realness in relationships is what everyone desires. We usually only apply it to the other person, and seldom do we look into our own souls to see what it is we really want or need in a husband or wife. In the course of seeing so many successful and unsuccessful dating relationships among the college students, there are some very important aspects that every young and intelligent woman should consider. Of course, young men could also benefit.

Below is a letter I asked for one young lady to write concerning her experiences that mirror so many of those I know right now. I am writing this not to condemn someone, not to be mean or insensitive. In fact, quite the opposite... to give words to something the Holy Spirit may be trying to tell you. To vocalize what probably others around you are thinking or feeling yet afraid to tell you. And to risk out of love, the anger and frustration that this topic so often evokes. Because it has to be said. You have to understand with eyes wide open what you are in. And you have to know that no one else can choose for you, you must choose yourself. So, listen to this, and see if you are this girl. More of my own thoughts at the end....

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I Almost Settled
by Mrs. Kimberly Vaughn

We women are always ready to settle for less. Most of us anyways. It may look different for some than for others, but that tendency to settle is there. Even those of us who know Jesus are guilty of the struggle. The closer we are to Jesus, the more we hear His voice speaking, and the less likely we are to settle. But even still, our walk with God has its highs and its lows. There are times we hear Jesus loud and clear because our hearts are soft, but there are times we mostly hear our flesh because we have somehow taken the reigns of control.

I’m one of those women who has settled more times than I can count. Thankfully Jesus redeems the mistakes that I have made. I once settled for a relationship that was all wrong for me, and it lasted for over two years. It almost lasted for a lifetime. We were engaged. Less than two months before the wedding, God got my attention. Nothing dramatic changed or happened with the relationship, but God spoke in a way that I could not ignore Him. Let me explain.

I had been having some doubts, but it always seemed that I could explain those doubts away. Rationalizations. Excuses. Reasons. It’s how we women think. If we don’t want to face it or make any changes, whether out of fear, desperation or selfishness, we twist and turn thoughts in our head until what we are doing seems logical and right and best.

So, although I had been having doubts, I wasn’t truly getting what God was trying to tell me. Fear and selfishness blocked my prayer life, so that even when I prayed it was as though I was deaf to God’s voice. But I praise God because He did not give up on me and He did not let me make what would have inevitably been one of the worst decisions of my life.

My fiancé and I were on a missions trip with a group from our college, and God spoke to me there though a professor I highly respected and looked up to as the dad I never had. Several times throughout the trip, this professor tried to confront me subtly and gently concerning my relationship with my fiancé. It was a little unsettling because I wasn’t yet ready to face the truth, and yet the truth was making itself known. God had my best interests in mind. I'm confident the professor cared about both of us.

On our way back to the States we had a long layover still outside of the U.S.. This meant that we had to claim our baggage and re-check it. Although at the time it seemed to be an inconvenience, my fiancé could not find one of his bags. It looked like this might take some time to work out, so the majority of the group moved along. This left my professor and I alone while my fiancé was off looking for his bag. It was in this moment that my professor blatantly confronted me concerning the issues he saw in my relationship. As he spoke to me I knew what he was saying was right. I knew it in my mind and I felt it in my gut to the point that I felt sick. Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him he was right, so I responded in defensiveness.

On the twelve hour flight back to the States, the professor worked it out that I was able to sit alone with several empty seats around me. I spent almost the entire flight crying and reading God’s Word and crying out to God. It was gut-wrenching. I kept thinking about all the consequences of ending my relationship right now, less than two months before our planned wedding. I would cause so much pain and disappointment. What about all the money spent on the wedding? What would people think? What if I never found the right guy? What if I never got married? My mind was spinning and all I kept thinking about were the short-term ramifications. I felt no peace, and there seemed to be no “perfect” ending to this dilemma I was dealing with. Finally, I stopped my foolish thinking and laid it all down before God. “Please God, show me what to do. I don’t care what discomfort, pain, or awkwardness it means for me right now. Show me Your will, and I’ll do it because I know it is best.” And I meant it. My heart was laid bare before God, and I was completely emptied of my own will.

Almost immediately, God gave me clarity in my heart and mind. I knew what I had to do, and I finally had peace about this. When I got back to the States I fasted and sought wisdom from a couple trusted women. More and more I saw that I needed to end the relationship. Only two days after arriving back to the States I broke it off with my fiancé. It wasn’t easy. I felt horrible, especially when he refused to take the ring back and I forced him to take it. But when it was said and done, I felt so much peace and freedom. This huge weight lifted from my soul, and I sought God’s face more fully and experienced such intimacy with Him.

Although I knew then that I had made the right decision, it is only now that I see this with the greatest of clarity. Five years down the road I see how much more God had in store for me. He brought me places I would otherwise not have gone. He gave me experiences that I would never have known. And He brought people into my life that I would never have had the joy of knowing. Married for over a year now, I am so deeply in love with my husband. He is an amazing man, growing steadfastly in His walk with God. I am more than blessed to have him by my side walking through life with me. He is exactly what I need to make me more of the woman God intends for me to be. I can’t imagine my life without him.

When I think back at how I almost settled, I feel so much gratitude in my heart towards God for how he saved me from myself and my own foolish thinking. I am so thankful He used my respected professor to speak the truth in love to me. I often wonder at how my life would have gone if I would have settled in that relationship. I imagine it wouldn’t have been good, and it could not come close to the blessing I know now.

Settling is a dangerous thing. We can pray and ask for God’s blessings, but He can only bless us as much as we will allow Him to. If we choose to settle for less than God has for us, we’re not allowing God to give us the fullness of His blessings. I’ve settled too many times, and the mistakes I’ve made are endless. The wonder of knowing God through Jesus Christ is that He redeems my failures. For me, the redemption of my failures has at times been a painful process, and not just for myself, but ultimately it is liberating for all involved. My prayer is that God will give me the strength to continue to pursue the best that He has for me, rather than hindering His blessings for my life by settling for less.

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If you are this girl (or guy) now, get out while you can. You aren't married until you are married. Regardless of the expenses. Regardless of the time invested. It doesn't mean they are a bad person or that you are. It means doing the right thing for you. And waiting until the one that completes you and fulfills you comes along.

It could very well be a mistaken identity of love at work. The two of you could actually love each other, however, it is a platonic love. You both really care for each other and don't want to hurt the other one. Yet, it's not exactly what you had hoped for either. It's not an unconditional love. There are things the other says or does to manipulate you, to control you, to bend you into their will, that's not really the kind of love you want. Not an 'in love', can't get enough of this person, but only a superficial attempt at making it real. It is born out of a genuine concern for each other but if you were being honest with yourself, it is not at the level that you both would prefer. The mature-er one of the two of you will have to be the one to initiate the break of the dating relationship to go back to being friends. The friendship could always be there. Just do not confuse friendship, for a marriage quality relationship. Do not confuse sexual desire for a marriage quality relationship. Can the two of you talk for hours on end without physical touch? Can the two of you be completely honest with each other? Do you feel cherished?? Does the other one glance at others of the opposite sex often? Do you walk behind or in front of the other when at the mall or side by side? Is there thoughts of others in your mind while with them? Are you angry with your family members, parents, brothers and sisters more often than usual? Have you broken up once with them before? (you now have a 60% chance you will end up in divorce). Have you broken up more than once with them before? (you now have a 75% chance you will end up in divorce). All of these are little signs that you may not be with the one you truly love. Don't deceive yourself. You are headed for a miserable life, that will start about three days after the honeymoon. You can choose this course. If you survive, and chances are you won't, then you may eventually end up loving each other after all when you are old and gray sitting on the porch of a retirement home. But it will be a long road of hell until then.

Not many of our friends can be this honest with us. They want us to be happy. Hopefully, you will have a friend that can point out things in your relationship to the one you may want to marry that may indicate trouble. You have the choice now. Don't wait until it is too late. God hates divorce. Yet God has a plan that will bring fulfillment to your life. Be patient and let him do this for you. Do not settle.

Proof Reading and Life

We just sent out a mailing of around 1,600 names of our current newsletter mailing list and most of the alumni of Central Christian College. It was a big ordeal. Two printed envelopes, a letter, a brochure and an ad that pointed people to our YouTube presence with Harvesters International. We proof read all the materials more than I thought anyone should and each time, we found mistakes. The worst of which was probably the wrong 800 number leading people to a call-girl site... I guess that might work for recruiting, but never mind. It was a simple mistake, of typing 1-888 instead of 1-877. But, we did catch that in time along with other misspellings, and bad formatting. After us, it went to the printer who caught a few more.

We received our own copy today in the mail... and well, bam...! The first thing I see is that the letter isn't in color. There is no signature on the letter. The brochure front is off centered. The CD placard is also a shade or two off from the original color. And well, I just didn't think it looked very professional. After a lot of effort. A lot of expense. A lot of proof reading. A lot of mistakes corrected. And we still didn't get it right.

And yeah, aren't we all like that? We work and strive to be more like Christ and yet every week during communion, or every evening at the end of the day, we look at ourselves in the mirror and realize there are so many flaws. No matter how we have tried to diet, tried to memorize, tried to pray, tried to avoid temptations of all kinds, we fail. We have blemishes. We have not given God glory by our attitudes and actions. Every day. Same story. Lots of effort goes into improving our lives. Lots of expense into improving ourselves. A lot of looking into God's Word to determine what more we need to do to become more like Christ. And so much has already been corrected. And yet, we still aren't perfect. Are we?

Regardless of the bad formatting of our introductory letter explaining the common sense of Harvesters International, the message is still there. Embedded behind poor color choices, cut off graphics, and missing signatures. The labor we do is still being exhibited.

And because of our mortal flaws, the grace of Christ is still being exhibited in each and every one of us. Because of those things we want to improve, we can sympathize with others. We can understand that perfection is only obtained through Christ. I'm learning a lot about grace with every new student who walks in our office. When they tell about the tragic things in their lives, the hardships, the abuse, the lack of comfort, the lack of love and affection... and yet, here they are. Trying to use those weaknesses to not only improve themselves but to take the love of Christ to people all over the world who are just like them. Who are just like us.

Sure, we can proof read all we want. But, until we see ourselves the way Christ sees us, we'll always find problems. Always. And until we see others through the grace of Christ, we'll never see what he sees in them either. We will only see the weaknesses. What message of grace can they teach us though? Take another look at those around you. You might find their mistakes are your corrections.

Surgery

Unexpecteds happen all the time to all of us. Some of them take a long time to deal with. I never thought a year ago I'd be back in bed recovering from another surgery on my knee. The patella had shifted out of line and a surgical tie down was necessary as well as a bone graft. So, another summer of unexpected recovery and healing.

And deep thoughts brought on probably by pain relieving narcotics. I went in to the hospital last Wednesday because a Doctor told me I needed surgery on my knee. I walked into a room that 3 hours later I'd roll out of on a bed, knowingly I'd be unable to walk for 6 or more weeks. While I let them take me out of consciousness, I was oblivious to multiple doctors and nurses cutting into my side, taking out a core of bone from my pelvis, and then cutting over my knee cap and inserting the bone graph. While it's not 100% sure that I'll ever be able to run or even walk without a limp, I entrusted my body into the hands of people I don't really even know. I merely took it upon their word that they knew what they were doing.

That's more faith I believe than most of us have in God. We do not offer our bodies up to him the way we do our doctors. We don't trust that he'll take care of us. We try and fix it ourselves and want to know all the risks and all the requirements. We don't sign a form giving over our entire health to him We don't believe that in the end not only will we be saved, but we'll run again. Is God sovereign or not? We need to start living like he has our best interest in mind and give up a lot of things that are under our control. Living it. If we believe it.

Summer Filled!

Harvesters International is still moving forward with many of our graduates heading out to the mission fields and more in progress. This summer we'll be working on a website upgrade and new media presentations. Central's camp teams will be presenting H.I. to prospective students all summer at camps and NYR. It is a great way for students to get their degree, mission training, raise support and go to the field debt free from attending our tuition-free program here at Central. Rob & Lynne Branham have returned from Australia for a summer visit. Dezi & I went to school with them and it was exciting to hear of their new ministry starting churches down under. So many alumni doing so many things all over the world, makes our work exciting, valuable and necessary. As we desire to support them we also see the need to recruit many more workers for these harvest fields and other places where there is no opportunity to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ. 

One Trip, One College, One Destination

For something different this year during Outreach Week April 2 - 13, we were asked by C.Y. & Patricia Kim to have one school trip to China and work with Ben & Sara, two of our alumni who have been working with the Kim's for three years and we believe it was a perfect opportunity. Thirty-eight students and 7 faculty and staff went together and had an amazing time seeing what God was doing in one of the darkest areas of the world. Working in smaller groups everyday at 5 different locations, we were able to see a vision that surpasses most other works in a difficult land. With the Hope Language School, an orphanage, a special needs school, a bakery and a Horse Therapy Ranch. And that's only what is in Hun Chun, China! Much more is being accomplished in North Korea including feeding the street children with breads from the bakery. C.Y.'s original vision only began 10 years ago and all this has already been done as the Holy Spirit guides them in planting a foundation for what is sure to be a massive harvest in the future. They believe in the Sovereignty of God and that he can blind the minds of unbelievers as they take in God's word and work as Christians in a persecuted area. Our group became unified as we saw the need and saw the many Chinese who still need to hear of a Savior. We have some who are planning on returning this summer for their internships and others willing to go full time, making it one of the best recruitment trips we have taken. It's going to be exciting to see what God is going to do with so many alumni from Central in China in the future!

Chinese New Year & Beyond

Another new year is upon the Chinese as they begin the Year of the Ox. People born during this year are said to be born leaders who will work hard to achieve their aims. They are dependable and great at organizing. While not influenced by others, they are patient and loyal to their friends and expect those qualities in return. They also have long lasting relationships. I don't believe you have to be born in the Year of the Ox to have those qualities. I  do think they are the characteristics of the many students who have been recruited recently for the harvest fields!

So much has been happening within Harvesters International lately, it's been a bit overwhelming to know what to say or where to start so the blog has been a bit outdated. We apologize again, and well, some of those Ox attributes are certainly things I lack needless to say! We do appreciate our faithful relationships and those of you who have been supporting the work and ministry we are involved in everyday. 

We had our grand opening so to speak at the National Missionary Convention. It is such a privilege to be able to partner with Central Christian College and raise up a whole new generation of laborers from there. We took around 75 students to the convention and had a booth along with Central. No other exhibit offered a full-tuition Bible college education AND training / sending program for the mission field! What a unique opportunity for many who desire to go to the field as fast as possible, with no debt, being fully trained and apprenticed! 

Our next event is taking 50 students to Hun Chun China to see the work of CY & Patricia Kim and work alongside fellow alumni Ben & Sara. The first 12 days in April will have us flying over to work in their orphanage, Hope language school, bakery, special needs facility, horse ranch and touring many traditional sites in Beijing like the Great Wall and Temple of Heaven. Please be praying for these students (and five faculty!) as they see a need and realize the urgency among so many lost souls. 

24th Anniversary!

Wow...seems like time is always just flying by. We are celebrating our 24th anniversary today and we were able to get away for the weekend to St. Louis enjoying a leisurely walk down S. Main Street in St. Charles, MO. Lots of quaint little shops down a real brick road. After returning home and visiting my folks we learned that they used to live on that street before I and my brother Charlie were born. To think that we were walking where my parents once walked without knowing it was kinda cool.

We are all walking where others have walked before. Are we aware of it? Our thoughts, and feelings, frustrations, successes, ambitions, jealousies, endeavors, loves, interests... on and on... is there anything that others haven't thought, felt, been frustrated about, succeeded in... etc.? Am I really so unique thinking this could only happen to me when we have a great cloud of witnesses looking down upon us and ribbing each other in the side, saying, "Look at him! I did that once and broke my leg too!". Or, "Yeah, that happened to me once and I was depressed for a year...". Or, "Remember that time when we could barely make ends meet?". Others have gone before, whether we know it or not. And the one thing that was true then, as it is true now, is that God was faithful then, as he is now. He is walking with us. Where we are. Now. He is and was and will be wherever we are, were or will be. Now. Every year is an anniversary of his faithfulness to us. Even if we feel we are walking along the road alone.

Harvesters Retreat & Braymer Revival

We had 32 students attend our planning retreat at West Central Christian Service Camp this weekend and it went very well. Lots of new ideas for the semester and the unique observation from our Student Leader Jessie Lowe that most of the freshman, for the first time, were mission majors that attended. More and more students are specifically choosing Central because of the mission emphasis the school now has!

We took the new Central worship group, One Accord, with us to Braymer Christian Church for a mission revival as well. We returned from the retreat, and turned around and went to Braymer for a very full and busy weekend. I preached three times and led 3 workshops in less than 24 hours! The 13 students attending and participating were a big help and it is so exciting to see so many get involved in promoting missions along with us in the area churches. The minister at Braymer, Ashton and his wife Amber, are still planning to go to East Asia and have a specific Business as Mission Plan to implement once they depart. It is exciting to see our past students still focusing on the goal of reaching the Chinese for the Lord in out of the box type of methods.

New Semester Begins - New Students Recruited

This semester began on September 21 and many new students arrived on campus. The most encouraging were two couples we met last year at the National Missionary Convention. They were both interested in working among the Chinese. We told them about  the new Harvesters International program we were then developing at Central and about the full-tuition scholarship program. And, now, they are enrolled and preparing to go the mission field upon graduation. That is fulfilling to us as we continue now in our 6th year of recruiting among the students of Central Christian College and area churches. 

We are busy preparing for the year's activities with a Harvester's Retreat September 5 & 6, Missions Emphasis Week in October, and the National Missionary Convention in November. We are expecting record attendance in all three events this semester. We are also attempting a big mission trip next spring already. One trip, for the entire school, to Taiwan with a goal of at least 100 students and 10 faculty participating. It is a big endeavor, not just for us, but also for the missionaries on the field there. We hope that the is can be God blessed and great things come from a unifying trip for our school and future laborers for His harvest!

Ever Wish You Could Go Back In Time?

Let's say, oh about 8 weeks?? That'd be just fine because it was right here as depicted in this picture with our 3rd son Colan, that I made the decision to by a 2003 Harley Davidson Heritage Soft Tail 100th Anniversary Edition gun metal blue 1450cc. motorcycle.  Did I mention it only had 2500 miles on it? Well, about 6 days and 300 miles later I was cruising home for lunch on May 20th to tell Dezi that I was going to sell it because too many people just weren't noticing   someone on a bike and it wasn't really safe to drive in Moberly. Hard to believe after riding over 14 years on a smaller version in Taiwan that it was safer there than here. And to prove it, a young man turned left right in front of me on my way home, causing me to lay it down to avoid hitting him about two blocks from home. Well, the bike had a lot of superficial scrapes and me too, however, I broke my knee and leg, and collar bone as well. The bike fared much better. 

So, 12 days in the University Med Center and now 7 weeks later, I wish I could go back in time. 

I'm recovering slowly. It will be around August 21 before I begin putting weight on my left leg again as the plate inserted heals and I'm restricted to a wheel chair. My collar bone was broken in four places and also has a steel plate holding it together. A lot of down time for me has been very hard. I'm not even half way and I struggle daily with all the stages of trauma... depression, anger, frustration... I also know that many, many people are praying for us and it is quite evident as God seems to daily meet all of our needs.

Dezi has had it very hard as well as she manages so much more than our five children, a household, and her normal ministry life. She always does the impossible and even more so now as she is primarily taking care of my folks and me as well. Just dealing with all the doctor appointments and the insurance  company alone is a huge burden. 

I want to learn what God wants me to learn. As a good friend said, perhaps there is more to this than my own journey, but others are to learn things too. I know my children are. Dezi is. Who knows what good God may turn this trial into. We trust day to day and wait for His deliverance and His promises. James 1:2-4.

The Behavior VS. The Heart

So many times we get down on people because of their behavior. We judge them and try to 'help' them correct it at best or condemn them and avoid them at worst. However, we are missing the real issue. There is something missing in their hearts. And perhaps in ours as well.

Love is not complete. Have you read I Corinthians 13 lately? Have you read it out of the context of a wedding? Have you read it as if the Bible said "they will know we are his disciples by our love?"

Love... reaches the heart. Changes their behavior. Changes our perspective. Love others as you would have them love you.

Free at last... Free at last....

April 1st was just what it is purported to be, for fools to be let loose and those like me to get shocked out of their minds, if only for a moment. 

Court time at 9am and I barely made it in as only 8 hours earlier we had just returned from a 12 day trip to Taiwan. Jet lagged and exhausted I sat down and waited for the judge to go through her docket starting with those with last names beginning with an "A". Somewhere between J & V I fell asleep and woke up in time to hear my name being called an hour and a half later. 

The Prosecutor began with his recommendation for 30 days in jail, 4o hours community service, 1 year suspended probation and about 4 other penalties I didn't hear as my jaw had hit the floor. The judge noticed my perplexity and asked if this was what I was expecting and I replied that I thought it would be dismissed. The Prosecutor flipped through his files again and said, "No, I do not see anything that would warrant a dismissal." at which point I was getting nervous and frustrated. I explained the story again about the investigating officer reviewing the evidence and saying I was innocent. The Prosecutor looked again and found the officer's appended report and told the judge he would dismiss the case at which point she did. I walked out a free man. It seemed like one elaborate April Fool's Joke. 

Thanks for all of you who were praying and sending notes of encouragement. It's nice to know that so many trust my character and integrity. It is also a great joy to have a home church that was so supportive. Forum Boulevard Christian Church and it's Mission Committee were behind me and getting me help from Elton Fay, an attorney I have known in the church there since childhood. His appendicitis didn't prevent him from giving me good advice and counsel. 

Maybe now I can concentrate on more important things and update you on our amazing trip to Taiwan last week with 12 students from Central! (Just let me get over jet lag another day or two!) 

It Goes To Trial

Sitting in the court room for two hours hearing case after case made me appreciate the fact that I'm innocent because some of the penalties are pretty severe. It also made me appreciate the grace we receive from God as even though we all deserve death as our penalty, Christ has dismissed our case. Not so the Prosecutor on my case... at least not yet. After finally being called forward, the judge realized I was going to explain my case instead of saying 'guilty' or 'not guilty', so she read me my Miranda Rights warning me what I say can be used against me. I explained the case, and the judge asked the Prosecutor if she would be willing to dismiss the case. Since the Prosecutor wasn't the actual Prosecutor but his underling, she was unable to dismiss and explained she did not even have my file with her. So, the judge had no choice but to set a trial date of April 1. This is the day after I return from Taiwan with a group of students. There is a possibility the Prosecutor could show the evidence to the judge in between time and the judge may dismiss the case still, however, as of now, I must go to trial. I still am choosing not to obtain a lawyer until after this trial date. So please, keep praying!

Still In Process But Looking Good

The court date is actually the 26th. However, we have made some progress finally. I went to the circuit court's office in Huntsville and asked for a copy of my case and charges and they provided it for a mere $1. Reading through it I noticed the investigating officer had actually been to our home before for our cell group bible study last year and was the neighbor of one of our professors. So, I then went to the Moberly Police station and talked to her and she ended up showing me the video footage. While you can't see what card I'm using or the items I'm buying while at the self check out lane, as I walk out the door, you can see through the bag at what I purchased... namely a bag of Doritoes. This matches what is on my receipt and does not match the EBT card's receipt so she said that it proved my innocence. She called the Prosecuting Attorney's office and reported this and I'm waiting for a call from that office that should have already happened. If it doesn't, the officer said to make my court appearance and hopefully, the case can be dismissed from there. So, while it isn't over, it is looking much more positive at this point and I'm guarding my original receipt w/ my life! 

We are amazed at how many are praying for us and specifically for those students who have been asking that it be taken care of completely so that I will not have to go to court even. We even had one student getting a crowd ready to accompany me to court!! haha! So, thank you and we will keep you updated as it transpires. 

To Jail or Not To Jail

Okay, this is a little different... two weeks ago, a student came up to me saying that he was praying and felt like I would be attacked in a strange way in the near future and it was something I had to face by myself. Another friend a week later thought that I was going to be under attack as well because of all the activities taking place around the creation of Harvesters International, a new alumni service for our student missionaries. And well, I think we have discovered what it is: 

I have to go to court on February 20 and I'm facing a minimum of 30 days and maximum of 1 year in jail for a class A misdemeanor offense. They say I stole an EBT card.. (food stamp card) and used it to buy groceries at Save More on 10/21/07 and they have video footage of me doing it. Some woman going to jail gave her purse to her boyfriend who was supposed to give it to her girlfriend. By the time her girlfriend got the purse, the EBT card and money was not in it. Then they checked w/ Social Services and it shows the EBT card being used at Save More. So they looked at the video and I'm in it buying stuff around the same time. They identified me and now are accusing me of theft of a Government device so they told me it requires that I get a lawyer. Of course, I didn't do it and I have the receipt of my purchase at Save More that day showing my own debit card being used so I should be okay... but I think it is just one of those attacks that come that are making me distracted. It's frustrating that so much time is taken up and money to have to prove my innocence when the investigator should be able to figure out that the receipt of items purchased w/ the debit card doesn't even match the video footage. The prosecutor will not even talk to me or look at my evidence. I HAVE to get a lawyer and show up in court. The lawyer initial fee is $750. It is like your are innocent until accused and no longer until proven guilty. Would you please pray for peace and a quick resolution to this attack? With the beginning of Harvesters International and the outreach week trips coming up, this is very frustrating. Thank you!

We Can't Do This Without You!

We have been put in a very unique position as we see how God has led us in the past 5 years. The urgency we feel about getting more laborers to the unreached people groups is greater than ever. We have been praying about our continued role as recruiters and trainers. One of our dear friends asked us one of the most direct and spiritual questions we can remember. "Has God released you from this responsiblity yet?".

Has God released us... released us... that was a difficult concept to face. We have been talking about going back to the field of Taiwan or China every since we returned in 2002. The students we teach all believe we aren't happy here. That our hearts are still among the Chinese. And they are right. However, we believe that perhaps happiness isn't the crux to which we must adhere what we do or how we determine the will of the Father.

Is the need still there? Yes, even more so. There is a harvest of unprecedented proportions going on in East Asia.

Are people answering the call? Yes, more than ever in the history of missions and the church. Especially among college students.

Has God opened any other door for us? Yes, and No. Doors to recruit more and doors to provide better training... yes. Doors to return to the field? That is yet to be determined. Cracks. Glimpses. Possibilities. Nothing that's is more than opaque. So for now, we are confident that we haven't been released. In fact, we are finding more joy in what we are doing as we see new fields opening up and new recruits to fill those needs. For example, we now have 12 students working in various locations throughout China, all in language school. We have seen some of our most severe trials producing great fruit. For example, with the passing of Mark Trotter on his way with his family to Cambodia over a year ago to his wife Lyla working with the Friends of Jesus providing the needs for over 150 Cambodian children today and getting even more people involved. We are witnessing more and more students becoming mission majors and committing their lives to the foreign mission fields. Each one taking a piece of our hearts. Each one leaving with a promise we will be there for them, needs, prayers, encouragement, training, so much... so much.

We therefore are content. We believe this is where God wants us. And we need you. We can't do this without you. We believe our support has come from God. We know there are many ways of saying this.

Hudson Taylor used to simply pray for all his needs. He is credited with recruiting over 800+ missionaries to China in his life time. George Mueller used to pray and tell others of his needs but never solicited for support. His orphanage work helped more than 2,000 young people in 5 different homes. Dwight Moody, one of the most famous Christian evangelists, however not only prayed and informed people of his ministry's needs, he also solicited heavily to anyone who would give him opportunity. He is noted for making a unique observation, "It does not take long to tell where a man's treasure is. In fifteen minutes' conversation with most men, you can tell whether their treasures are on the earth or in Heaven." What method does one use? God used all three men, with all three strategies.

We need you to pray for more laborers. We want you to understand what exactly we are doing in commiting our lives to reaching the lost of China. And we want to trust in the Lord that for as long as we are content in believing in this call and in this ministry that he will support it. And we want to be accountable to you in all things.

Thank you for supporting our work... our family and ministry depends on you... as we partner with Central Christian College to fulfill the great commission we are partnering together with you as well.

Removing the Plank to Forgive the Speck

Why is it when we feel like we are drawing closer to God, and relying on his strength to a greater degree than before, and desire to serve him more and more... it is then we get attacked the most? Is the feeling false to begin with? Are we in reality drifting further from Him and we are only deceiving ourselves? I have experienced direct spirtual bombardment before... where Satan is blatantly the instigator and culprit. Those, for some reason, seem infinitely more endurable. Not sure why. But the direct, frontal attacks are more easily recognized and thereby more readily thwarted.

It's the more subtle schemes that hurt the most. The attacks that come from close friends... the betrayals... the lack of loyalty... the perpetuating gossip... the void of understanding... the untruths, the spins and false accusations... are almost unbearable. The attacks that come from our own families... lack of gratitude... the selfishness... being taken for granted... lack of empathy... are draining and yet we are forced to endure. The attacks that come from the body of Christ, the church... becoming just another member without an identity... forgotten in the crowd... little concern through the week but slaps on the back and hugs on Sunday... unabashed condemnation of our weaknesses and our sin with grace only provided as long as we change first... are becoming tiresome and though we are supposed to be a part of this great body of Christ with folks from every tribe and tongue and nation as a part of it, we feel estranged and lonely.

Unconfessed jealousy, selfishness, bitterness, narcissism, and hypocritcalness... these are invading the lives of Christians in an alarming rate. Missionaries being as suspect as anyone else. These are causing us to fulfill the prophecy of Jesus' question of whether or not he will find any faith on the earth when he returns. These are causing our neighbors to not know or understand the Christian because these things are the opposite of love.

Are we able to draw closer to him with still so much in our lives? Yes, we see it in others.... and if you don't, I can tell you about some... but can we see it within our own hearts as well? Is it possible for us to notice the very real weaknesses of others, and say to ourselves "I wonder if that is what they see in me too?" and then realize you just thwarted a very subtle and common trick of the Master Deceiver? To get us so focused on our perceptions of the weaknesses of others that we neglect looking at ourselves. The speck and the plank.

All trials, all attacks, all deceptions that come our way... can be used by God to get us to be more dependent upon him. Our friends, our family, our brothers and sisters in Christ... will fail us. We want to blame God usually. But it's not him. So, I suppose... this answers my own issue. I'm frustrated with friends... with family... with the church... when I should be looking a little... a lot... ok, continually at God. Then the attacks, subtle or not, won't do as much damage... they'll still come. And they'll still be painful. But hey, those who bring them or those that are used to deliver them, haven't learned this lesson yet. God will teach them... will train them... and they will face the same... but for me... well... I'm confident I AM drawing closer to God. Cause if not... I'd find out just how lonely one can get and I don't even want to think about that... it's hard enough to lose a friend... so bring it on... it will only make me stronger.

Oh, it's so easy to think we have forgiven someone else for hurting us. And go about our business. Afterall, that's the high road. That's the Christian thing to do. But forgiveness isn't easy. In fact, it's almost impossible. Impossible until we have purged whatever the hurt done to us from our own lives. Removing the plank to forgive the speck.

Happy... er... um... Adoption Day??!!

Wow... time has gone by fast... it was one year ago today when we received Raena Marie into our home! Can you believe it!!?? She has grown so much and it's like we have always had a little girl in the home. The boys have totally accepted her and she has adapted almost completely into our family. She hasn't spoken fluently in Mandarin since Christmas and is now wanting to 'learn' Chinese again. I wish we adults could learn languages like that... she's not yet 5 and has fluently spoken three languages already in her life and forgotten two of them! As we currently are helping CCCB's Professor Ben & Melissa Williams adopt two girls from the same Home, we are reminded of the lengthy process involved, but we know it has been worth it all.

In Search of Answers

Often we don't always understand the processes the Lord takes us through but we continue to trust in him and become more dependent upon him daily. Ryan & Heidi Aikins have returned to the US to seek out medical answers for their infant daughter Brooklyn in hope they can find the right and best kind of treatment that will enable them to keep serving God with a desire to return to the field. Please keep them in your prayers and we will try and update you as their doctor appointments enlighten us all on her condition.

Would You Pray For Brooklyn?

We'd ask all of you to please pray for Brooklyn as she is merely 6 months old and suffering from pollution induced asthma while her parents, Ryan & Heidi serve on the field in East Asia. They need to discover a treatment that will enable her to breath easier and through the night as she hasn't been able to for over 2 months. This trial is a difficult one and we have experienced it ourselves with our boys in Taiwan as well as Raena having regular breathing treatments here in the States. Pray for peace, healing, answers and the Lord's presence in their daily lives.